I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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