My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
