I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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