I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
