the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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