I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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