one might say we're banned from that church
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
