i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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