This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
