I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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