So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
