Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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