dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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