i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
