I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
