then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
