remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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