remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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