your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
