Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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