Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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