he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
