How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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