Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
