My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
