My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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