I love black thongs
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
