Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
