forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
