No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
