Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
