I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
