I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just tell him i said nine months
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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