sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
