You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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