I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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