And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
