We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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