I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
