I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
