My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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