So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
