R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i love accidental penises.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
