Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
