he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
