yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
