so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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