don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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