i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
