He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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