Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
this must be what syphilis tastes like
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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