this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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